Jonathan ES Lin
Life · Tech · Faith

404 Relationship Not Found

Jul 2, 2021

During the height of the recent MCO 3.0, my relationship failed. We were engaged and undergoing PMC. Something I said during that PMC didn't sit well with her. And this was two months before the scheduled wedding date.

After a few gruelling weeks of the relationship being in ICU, we broke it off.

In retrospect, she was of the ISFJ personality type which has a weakness of taking things too personally (the ISTJ speaks his mind). I also noticed ISFJs (my college roommate being the other one) really hold values or stuff they care about to a T, and are unwilling to accept anything else.

So in a way, the ISTJ-ISFJ relationship was doomed from the start.

It's hard to not come away feeling some resentment toward the church. The senior pastor conducted the PMC. Then halfway without PMC, her mum passed away. We had to postpone PMC, and by the time we were to resume, the senior pastor had to leave for the US for summer break. And so we passed on to another pastor couple, and there was where it happened. Asking us to talk about "hot button topics" on meeting No. 1 is just plain unwise in hindsight. Obviously good intentions are not good enough in ministry, and bad things can still happen. Can't blame them, but I really can't stay in this church either. Indirectly, the pastoral team ruined my relationship.

And given her mum's death, I figured maybe she lost all emotional energy to have to put up with the person called Jonathan. She said she felt extremely hurt and lost all feelings and trust for me. In other words, everything I had built up over 4 years of dating lost within seconds (don't date so long, lads).

And the pandemic. I'm a statistic now.

Sometimes I feel God created Eve just to give Adam headaches since he was so bored. This female creature is just annoyingly different.

Well, shit happens. And so it begins. A new chapter in my life right here at home in MCO. Single but unavailable. Going to seek a new job, new church, new car. Hard reset button. It's the classic breakup coping mechanism, this time at the engagement level. Can you blame me?

I'm kinda excited. I'm finally able to grow up on my own terms. Gonna move out from my parents place sometime. Gonna adult on my own. Gonna try get my groove with this God, and Jesus. Yes, I'm kind of a Christian slacker. I am secure in my salvation, but other than that I just chill. This is a byproduct of having been the guy going to every single thing in church in the past, the extreme do-er. So I tend to self-correct nowadays by going to less church stuff. Somehow this was an issue for her. She wanted a guy with heart for God. Do I have heart for God? Maybe not, yet. So byebye for now. We remain "friends".

Cheers all. Wish we could hit the pubs or something right now. I feel so sad.

– Misunderstood Jonathan